My King can't be this Green
by hyperomegasonic26
Summary: After the events of Fate/tiger colosseum UPPER Saber decides to leave and to have some peace along the way ends up helping the owner of an antique shop that gives her the gift of a mask as a form of gratitude. But it's time to go home and entering a new fight against Gilgamesh, the mask is placed on Saber by accident, Could Shirou and and his friends survive this strange night?
1. Chapter 1

_**My King can't be this**__**Green**_

_**Crossover of Fate/stay night with The Mask (of Animated Series)**_

Story made by Chojinryu750 of by request made for me.

**Chapter 1**

Life in the Emiya Household was not the same as it had once been thought Saber as she sat at the dinner table staring at the bowel of white rice. Of course this would be a normal morning say for the people that were eating around the table. The blonde servant from the 4th and 5th Holy Grail War frowned as she felt the piecing glare of the yellow eyed doppelganger sitting across from her. Fury welled within her as she returned the stare filling the air with tension.

"Are you going to continue staring at me?" Saber Alter snorted giving her a derisive look.

"I can ask you the same thing." The king of knights shot back, "you hogging all the miso soup for yourself are hardly what I call dignified."

Across from them Shirou nervously chuckled seeing her brows furrow as her face contorted into a snarl.

"Now, now, Saber's-san." Saber and Saber Alter both looked over to Irisviel von Einzbern, who gave them an angelic smile, "There is still plenty of food left."

"Not if she keeps eating all of it," Saber Alter sighed gesturing to Saber's plate.

"You're one to talk." Saber scowled her face heating up with fury. "At least I savor Shirou's cooking."

"You both are eating a lot," Emiya Kiritsugu, wearing a dark green kimono, cut in looking up from his newspaper, his black eyes forming into a stern gaze. Saber grunted upon seeing her former master from the 4th war his disapproval bore into her which managed to quiet them down.

Saber gave a resigned sigh; this was how things in the house were now…

It had been a week now since the Tiger Coliseum Grail War created by Fujimura Taiga after Shirou's former guardian had found out the truth that Shirou, Rin, Sakura, and Illya were Magi. To top it off, she also discovered Saber's identity along with the other servants and the Holy Grail War. She then created the Holy Tiger Grail which in the end was destroyed by Shirou and Saber. Irisviel, the mother of Illyasviel von Einzbern, a person that Saber had considered a close friend from the 4th Holy Grail War had been brought to life. But tragically, though she didn't like to think of it that way it also had her former master Emiya Kiritsugu resurrected as well. To say the King of Knights was shocked would put it lightly, and the looks that both Shirou and Illya had for having Kiritsugu back and Shirou having gained an adoptive mother calling her Iri-san was nothing to wave off either.

Of course, that was just the beginning for in a twist of fate. The Tiger Coliseum War also saw the return of Avenger, and the false priest Kirei Kotomine, the true villain who caused disaster in the 4th and 5th war. But the worse bit had been when she saw the war bring forth her dark counterpart emerging from her subconscious as a separate entity. Saber Alter had been a bad reminder of the corruption that the Holy Grail had caused her during the last days of the 5th war. And worse still was the fact that she was contracted with Irisviel and Kiritsugu which prevented her from disappearing back into her subconscious and maintaining its separate existence as Saber.

"Old man, don't be so harsh," Shirou chided, "besides there is plenty here."

"But you have to admit Shirou," Illya giggled, "They do eat a lot."

Saber and Saber Alter glared at her but resumed eating until they had finished breakfast and she went to head out to the dojo wanting to clear her head. At least she could have some peace there; she felt the dojo was the one place she could be at peace. Treading across the yard with a light step she slid open the door carefully taking off her boots to avoid scuffing the fine polished wooden floor. The dojo was a rather spacious area baring plain white painted walls with a high vaulted ceiling linked with criss crossing beams that helped to support it. A bright shine came from the polished light maple wood floor showing a reflection so fine it would make a mirror green with envy.

This was the heaven Saber had called upon many times during the Holy Grail War and served as the impromptu rest area for her. Giving a small smile she walked over to the end of the room sitting next to the wall scroll on the wall. Tucking her legs under her she sat feeling the muscles in her legs pull tight. She sighed taking a deep breath and closed her eyes and calmed her mind letting herself drift in silence. Slowly her mind wandered and thoughts about her dark self popped up. She gritted her teeth seeing the amber eyed copy in her mind staring at her with that flat disinterested gaze.

Saber grunted and tried to put the image out of her mind but still it lingered like a poisonous wound. Her dark alter ego smiled coldly at her and looked behind her as Irisviel suddenly walked up and looped her arms around the pale doppelganger. A gentle smile appeared on her face as both stared at Saber causing the King of Knights to quiver with anger.

Why did it have to be like this? She wondered, recalling the way Irisviel clung to Saber Alter treating the aloof corrupted servant like a spoiled princess. Whether it was candy, fast food, or anything she liked Irisviel seemed to be more than willing to get it for her. This was a notion that sickened Saber greatly, and made her dislike the new arrangement in the household even more.

Saber exhaled and was about to try and clear her mind when she heard a loud swishing noise. She tried to ignore it but it grew louder and louder until she felt it rattle in her head. Upon opening her eyes Saber saw Saber Alter standing in the dojo waving around one of the shinai. A look of disinterest was on her face as she continued doing this until she noticed her.

"Meditating?" the words was said in more in the way of a statement than a question. Saber scowled, and rose to her feet. She regarded her other with a glare and strode over to her.

"I was. What do you want?" Saber snapped making her other quirk an eyebrow.

"I merely felt a need to tell you that I will occupy the dojo," Saber alter replied and tossed the Shinai aside.

"What do you mean occupy?" a frown formed and grew in a scowl. Saber glared at her other but Saber Alter ignored her aggression and instead sighed.

"Irisviel said I could," she said. "So if you would be so kind I would like it if you leave."

Saber quivered, "You think just because Irisviel said you could means you can occupy the dojo all to yourself?!"

Saber Alter smiled and leaned against the wall making Saber want to wipe the smug look off her face. The two stared at each other for a long while both refusing to budge and all the while the King of Knights felt her blood boiling. Finally she hissed and stomped out of the dojo doing her best to ignore the condescending smile on her dark self's face.

Feeling the need to head out, she decided to head into the city to try and clear her head. Saber gave one last look at the Emiya house from the street before she headed on her way. A cool breeze blew against her and the proud king welcomed the feeling against her skin. Her other half could have the dojo for now, but at least she was free to go about her business.

* * *

When Saber arrived in the shopping arcade in Miyama Town she found it had a moderate flow of traffic. The sounds of shoes clicking against the pavement coupled with the sweet buttery smell of fried Teyaki sizzling on the open food carts added to the warm atmosphere. A smile appeared on Saber's face as she made her way along the commons peering at the various food stalls and shops nearby. She didn't have any money on her but that didn't stop Saber from looking around.

She soon passed an antique shop and just as she was heading away from it she heard a loud crash from inside. Rushing inside she saw the shop keeper, a portly man with a round pumpkin-like head that was lined with grey hair was lying pinned beneath a shelf. A low groan escaped from chapped lips as he moved one arm to try and get out. Shocked, Saber rushed in and ran over to the man.

"Are you alright?" she cried, "Just hang on I'll help you."

The shop keeper mumbled and watched as Saber grabbed the shelf and pushed it off of him setting it in the corner. She then reached down and pulled the man up brushing off the bits of dust and broken porcelain plate off his brown suit. The man took in a shaky breath and panted for a moment before he calmed down.

"Are you hurt?" Saber asked.

"No, I'm okay thank you," the man sighed before giving her a smile, "I owe you for saving me, if I had remained pinned under that shelf any longer I'd fear I would have been as flat as a pancake."

Saber smiled, "It was no trouble, but tell me how you ended up pinned under that shelf?"

The man suddenly grimaced and tapped the ends of his index fingers and looked away from her. Saber cocked her head noticing the man blushed and wondered what he might be embarrassed about.

"I was trying to stock the shelf but it was too high," he muttered, "So I tried to climb up to place the china wears on the top shelf. But I ended up slipping and caused the shelf to topple over."

A brief silence followed and slowly the King of Knights starred at him not believing what she just heard. The man chuckled nervously and shrugged which caused Saber to shake her head.

"Well regardless I am happy you are not harmed," she replied. "But next time do try to be more careful in the future."

The shopkeeper chuckled, "I will, by the way what is your name?"

"You can call me Saber," The strongest servant replied.

"Well, Saber it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance," he smirked, "My name is Takeo, owner of Takeo's Antiques."

Saber smirked liking the man's civility and shook his hand feeling the course roughness of his dry skin on her smooth hands. After they shook hands Saber was about to turn and leave when Takeo held up a hand and urged her to wait.

"Since you helped me it is only right I repay you," he walked over to the desk and brought out a large brown oak box.

Saber frowned, "Really, it's not necessary for you to do that."

"Oh, but I insist!" Takeo cried. "Since you were ever so kind to help me I'll give you this."

Saber watched him flip open the box and noticed the man held up a strange object wrapped in red cloth. She walked over eyeing the object as the man slowly unraveled it revealing a wooden mask. It was a weathered piece of maple or oaken wood carved into a smooth surface which was bare of any outstanding features. Two large eyes peered out at her with a long rusted piece of steel strapped down the middle acting as a nose. The mouth was open in neither a smile nor frown leaving it a rather impartial expression.

"You wish to give me a mask?" she asked the skepticism weighing heavy in her voice.

Takeo stared at her before nodding, "Yes, this is a rare antique I procured from a fellow in New York City. It's Norwegian if I am not mistaken or perhaps Scandinavian."

He handed it to her and Saber regarded the object noticing the strange green pallor of the wood as if it had been resting in the bottom of some lake somewhere. She ran a hand over it and noticed the object felt unusually cool despite being held in her hands. A look of confusion appeared on her face for she had no idea what to do with the mask. But since the poor man was willing to give it to her as a gift, she was obligated to take it the laws of chivalry made that clear.

"Very well, I accept the gift," she replied smiling. "I'm sure it will make a fine decoration."

"That makes me glad you like it," Takeo bowed his head and smirked, "feel free to come by the shop anytime you like."

"I will, thank you," Saber replied and waved goodbye to Takeo as she headed back out into the street all the while holding her new gift.

With that she continued her way down the street all the while feeling content she helped out the owner of the antique shop. She headed along the walk and headed to the park nearby and sat at the bench deciding to enjoy herself. She spun the mask around in her hands taking in the odd pallor of the object and wondering what she was going to say to the others. She knew Shirou was open to receiving gifts but wondered if he would be willing to accept the mask.

The more she thought about it the more the king of knights pictured her beloved trying to find a place for the mask. He could put it in his room; she thought knowing full well if it was a gift from her he would accept it. But then again, it was given to her and Saber had considered decorating her room if in small increments. Sighing she lay her head back against the seat and thought about Saber Alter which only made the girls cheeks turn a bright red.

"What's done is done," she said. "I cannot change that whether I like it or not."

She turned to watch a couple of kids run by and smiled as she heard them laughing and shouting about where they were going. After they were gone, she lingered around the park all the while having the mask sit in her lap. Finally feeling slightly bored, she held up the mask and playfully stared into the bare interior. She shrugged and noticed it was time for her to get home and so with that Saber picked up the mask and began her trek back.

* * *

When Saber arrived at the bridge she trotted along the walkway and briefly glanced at the setting sun overlooking the river seeing how it painted the waters in a golden glow. She was halfway across when she felt the presence of someone nearby. It was a good thing she did for at that moment a figure suddenly appeared at the end of the walkway and stalked towards her.

"Hello Saber,"

Saber's eyes narrowed as she recognized the rich melodious voice that oozed with the condescending backhanded attitude of a self absorbed man. Dressed in a rich white leather jacket that draped over the black t-shirt with matching pants stood the King of Heroes, his being radiated an aura of intensity that flashed off his skin eclipsing the sunset as if his skin alone were made of gold. His red eyes were a glow with a mocking form of excitement as he stared at her.

"Gilgamesh," she growled, "What do you want?"

"Now is that anyway to speak to an old acquaintance?" Gilgamesh smirked and walked up to her.

"I hardly call you an acquaintance," she replied.

Saber braced herself when she noticed he stopped a few feet from her hands in his pockets all the while he looked her up and down and chuckled. Fury began to well up inside of the King of Knights she had no time to deal with this jerk. But she held her ground and returned his gaze with a piercing glare. Gilgamesh grinned at her reaction and shook his head in a manner that a father would pity his foolish child.

"You still have that defiant look that made me fall for you," he chuckled. "How glad I am that you still have your fighting spirit King of Knights."

"And you are still as arrogant and detestable as ever," Saber hissed and lowered her hand in preparation for drawing her sword. Gilgamesh noticed her hand lowered and a dark smile appeared on his face.

"You know Saber," he said. "I believe during the previous Grail Wars I offered you the chance to be mine."

Saber cocked an eyebrow before her face darkened, "And I turned you down on both occasions."

"That you did," declared Gilgamesh making a sweeping gesture with his right hand. "But after that little incident with the Tiger Coliseum, I got to thinking Saber. You see I've always been a collector of the greatest treasures and the idea that I was never able to attain you has been on my mind as of late."

Saber felt sweat flow down her face knowing full well where this conversation was heading. She had denied him twice for what woman would want to be with a man like him. The notion of being his plaything, her, a king was beyond insulting and so it was only right she answered his proposal with her blade. After a long silence, Gilgamesh cocked his head waiting for her response and let out a snort when she didn't.

"So Saber, I have decided that I shall ask you once more," he pointed to her his brows furrowed and a scowled appeared on his face. "Become my woman Saber and love only me."

Saber's face contorted her brows furrowing and her teeth were clenched to the point it felt like they were about to break. How dare he, her mind rumbled and at that moment a gust of wind shot across the walkway and pushed against the King of Heroes. Gilgamesh narrowed his eyes as Saber's white shirt and blue skirt were quickly replaced by a long silk gown made with the finest blue that matched the sky draped with silver armor that glinted in the afternoon light making the blonde girl glow like an open flame.

"So, you refuse my offer again," Gilgamesh groused. "Very well, let's see if you're still the lion that won my heart."

"You'll find that I am not an easy opponent to defeat Gilgamesh!" Saber roared charging at him.

The king of heroes smiled and waved his hand and the air above him began to shimmer until it rippled like the surface of a lake. A bright golden light followed and soon several weapons began to appear ranging from swords, halberds, lances, and axes. Saber saw her hated enemy using his noble phantasm the Gate of Babylon and braced herself once she saw the hail of weapons raining down at her. The bridge soon became filled with the loud audible explosions of several noble phantasms smashing into the bridge creating massive craters.

Amongst the chaos was Saber who was dodging and jumping around trying to avoid being hit by the barrage. She wasn't lucky enough barely missing two broadswords grazing the side of her armor leaving sizeable gauges which only made her grunt in irritation. She swerved around and swatted four noble phantasms wincing as the force of the weapons ran up her arms pricking them. While she struggled, Gilgamesh laughed and watched her come at him.

"Not bad Saber," he chuckled, "But play time is over."

"You're right playtime is over!" Saber roared back and appeared in front of him and swung down Excalibur the sword glowing brightly with the intensity of the sun.

Gilgamesh smirked and backed out of the way avoiding the blade which almost sliced through his armor. He reached behind him and pulled forth Ea the drill-like blade parried an oncoming strike and send Saber gliding back. But this didn't stop Saber for she charged at him again letting out a fierce cry and swung the sword aiming for his waist. Her attack was blocked but she pushed and craned her arms back and swung in for a follow up attack. For his part Gilgamesh snorted and blocked her attack and thrust the drill blade almost impaling her in the chest. The fight went on for a few minutes all the while Saber felt sweat pour down her face and neck which seeped down her back creating a clammy feeling that made her shiver.

"What's wrong Saber don't tell you're tired out?" Gilgamesh laughed at her. "Because I'm just getting warmed up and I'm not satisfied yet."

"Curb your tongue fiend!" she barked and lifted her sword. "As long as I draw breath I shall never tire before an enemy."

This prompted the King to stare at her before he began to snicker which soon erupted into full laughter. You dare laugh at me? She gripped her sword tightly feeling the metal gauntlets crack with her fury.

"Ah, Saber," he smiled looking like he had seen a long lost friend. "You show such fighting spirit; it's just a shame that you force me to do this."

She gave him a questioning look when she noticed his arm was pulling back and he held up the legendary star that separated heaven and earth and grinned. Almost on command the drill blade let out a low groan sounding like a great beast that had been rudely woken from its slumber. Then the blade began to spin red arcs of lighting flowing up and down the smooth black cylinder as the red cuneiform began to glow an ominous red. Saber knew what was coming and gripped Excalibur firmly in her grip and held it level with the King of Heroes.

A flash of golden light erupted from the gold broadsword as prana siphoned into it causing it to intensify till it felt like Saber was holding a miniature sun. She gritted her teeth it was now or never this fight had to end.

"Your master isn't here to save you this time Saber," cackled Gilgamesh as he prepared to unleash his ultimate attack. "So with that said let's end this here and now! Enuma…"

Saber and growled, "Ex-"

The bridge rumbled as the air became charge with energy the two noble phantasms at their limit. A short silence followed until both warriors glared at one another and that was when they attacked.

"Elish/Calibur!" they both roared at once.

At their command the noble phantasms roared to life unleashing a destructive stream of unbound devastation as the drill blade unleashed a spiraling red cyclone while the golden blade swung in a wide arc releasing a beam of golden light. The bridge rumbled as the two attacks collided sending a massive explosion with them both struggling to push the other back. Saber grunted channeling all of her will into the attack as the golden beam of energy crackled against the red twister which slowly pushed it back. Then a loud crackle followed and Saber watched in horror as the red glow of the crimson cyclone enveloped her and before she could scream the bang came. A loud eruption of scalding air followed by debris smashing into her face came as Saber flew over the edge of the bridge plummeting into the river below.

Blood dyed the clear blue water as the King of Knights sank deep below the waves her vision dimming with each breath. Her armor cracked and split from the blow revealed a massive gash that bled out as she sank. Pain raced through her body her lungs beginning to burn as the air was forced out of her lungs. Unbeknownst to her the mask which had been safely tucked into her skirt had become unlogged and was floating down towards her. Saber narrowed her eyes as the object drifted down to her and landed on her face. And it was at that moment, her head was jerked back violently as the mask latched onto her head. Pain raced through her face the wooden object squeezing with all its might causing the King of Knights to scream.

She tugged and pulled but to no avail while the she thrashed around before a burning sensation began to come from her skin. As if ignited by an unknown heat the mask began to melt into thick rubbery green wax that seeped into the pours of her skin. All the while this was happening something began to take place with her body. A slight pinch came from her chest for beneath the breast plate Saber's chest swelled up pushing the top of her dress out revealing a set of double D's. The gravid mounds squished together unable to be contained as the top of the dress gave way with a loud muffled rip.

Her slender hips began to enlarge pushing the sides of her dress out until the change began to worm to her rear which ballooned out becoming firm and supple. What was happening to her was this some kind of cursed object? Then out of nowhere she started to spin around generating a thick cloud of air bubbles. Faster and faster she spun all the while the king of knights became enveloped by a small cyclone that rumbled and shook filling the river with the rancorous boom of thunder.

Back on the surface on the bridge the King of Heroes was getting over a loud fit of laughter that he had easily overpowered his coveted Saber. He couldn't believe how easily Saber fell; clearly the years of peace had addled her senses. Pathetic really, it seemed Saber's master had tamed the lion more than he had hoped a little issue he intended to discuss with her mongrel master. Shaking his head he turned to leave when a loud rumble came from beneath the now churning waters of the river. He cocked an eyebrow when an eruption of sea water shot up into the air before a small twister shot out and landed on the bridge.

"What is this?!" he cried seeing the twister come to a complete stop as a figure emerged. Before he could say anything the entire area became wrapped in darkness and out of nowhere a single spotlight shined down from overhead. Standing in the center was Saber now dressed in what the king could only describe as a feminine version of her armor. Bright white polished armor soft and brilliant like the petals of a lily gleamed in his eyes. But what struck him was the way it hugged her body which caused his gaze to fall to her chest which was visibly larger than before forming a valley of perfect cleavage.

But what struck Gilgamesh the most was the bright green waxy face that looked like a rubber mask that looked back over at him. Brilliant aqua blue eyes with long delicate lashes shaded by light blue eyeliner peered at him as he stared at the prominent cheek boned face marveling at the luscious puffy red lips that parted into a perfect grin composed of perfect white teeth. Saber gave a low moan and ran her hands through her long blonde hair striking a rather erotic pose.

"Mmm, ladies and gentleman your main heroine has arrived," she grinned, "and she is feeling green!"

Gilgamesh blinked, "Saber?"

The blonde heroic spirit giggled and replied, "Saber? There is no Saber here; the name is Altria Pendragon golden boy."

"Altria?" said Gilgamesh eyeing her until he brought up his main issue, "What happened to your face Saber?"

Altria rolled her eyes in mock annoyance and wagged a finger at him, "Altria, Gil and not Saber, that old act is out the window."

It was then she pointed at him causing the King of Heroes to cock an eyebrow at her when he noticed the wide smile on her face. Normally nothing really unnerved Gilgamesh but there was something about that wide pearly white grin that made him nervous.

"You know Gil that wasn't nice what you did to me," she chuckled, "you say you like me and want me to be yours but what kind of man does what you do?"

Gilgamesh went to reply when Saber's arm stretched out and he found she put a finger to his lips. He blinked seeing the freakishly extended limb which looked to have been made of rubber retract and Altria gave a devilish grin.

"You know what I'm going to do Gilgamesh?" she asked him. "I'm going to pay you back for that little stunt you pulled on me."

Gilgamesh cocked an eyebrow, "Oh, is that so?"

Suddenly without warning Altria nodded and opened her mouth letting out a thunderous roar of a lion which took the king of heroes by surprise. Blinking, he soon saw the transformed King of Knights reach behind her which prompted him to reactivate the Gate of Babylon. But to his shock he saw Saber pull out a giant red magnet.

"Gee, now what am I going to do with this?" she asked playfully and ignored the surprised look on his face.

Gilgamesh snorted, "A magnet, and how is that going to help you?"

As if to answer his question Saber gave him an evil look and held up the magnet toward the treasury. There came a brief pause before a loud metallic groan came and suddenly one of the swords from the treasury came flying out. Soon there came another, and another, and another until the king of heroes watched in horror as his entire treasury began to pour out. Mounds upon mounds of gold coins, bars, trinkets, swords, vehicles, and more became glued onto the magnet. Fear erupted from within Gilgamesh how was Saber doing this it shouldn't be possible for a magnet to pull out the treasures from his treasury.

It was then a sharp jerk came and the king looked down to see his armor was beginning to rattle and vibrate until he felt his body shaking with it. With a loud rip, the armor flew off leaving the King of Heroes standing in the open in gold colored boxers. He gasped and looked over to Altria as she held up the magnet which jingled with all the treasures attacked to it including Ea which was now by her side.

"You dare to steal the king's treasure!" he bellowed, "Saber…you have no idea just how unforgivable of _a sin you've committed?_"

Altria snorted, "And what are you going to do with no weapons? Hello, I have them all right here."

The king of heroes sweat dropped realizing she was right and it was then the green faced beauty thrust the magnet forward and grinned.

"But if you miss your toys that much then here, have them!" She tapped the magnet and at that moment the entire treasury came shooting at him. He yelped and tried to dodge out of the way before he was enveloped in a massive explosion of gold, swords, and other fine treasures. But what came next would shock him even further for at that moment Altria picked up both Excalibur and Ea which began to roar to life in her grasp. His eyes widened upon seeing the drill sword rumble to life it shouldn't have been possible for her to use it. Just what had Saber transformed into?

"Oh, Gil it's time for your punishment!" Altria cried and leapt into the air bringing both weapons together and bellowed. "Enuma Calibur!"

With a powerful swing a blast of golden light mixed with the red spiral of Ea coalescing into a single reddish gold beam that smashed into the king of heroes. The bridge shook from the audible bang as bits of concrete and tar flew into the sky mixing the smell of burnt ozone. When the dust cleared, Altria stood with her arms folded striking a dynamic pose while an invisible audience cheered in the background.

"Legend baby," she purred, "and is that fried king of jerks I smell or is that just me?"

Across from her stood the smoldering Gilgamesh, who twitched while he stared at Altria completely horrified at having been attacked by his own weapon. The green knight snickered before breaking into a fit of hearty laughter and doubled over from the pain in her stomach. It was then Gilgamesh noticed her laughter and clenched his fists and gritted his teeth.

"You…how dare you…" he growled. "You would dark assault the king with his own sword?!"

"Uh, duh, I just did buddy you weren't paying attention." Altria rolled her eyes at him and tossed Ea back over to him which landed with a loud clunk.

Gilgamesh quickly picked it up intending to retaliate for this humiliation when Altria vanished from sight. He looked around unaware that the mischievous knight was now behind him and reaching down at his boxers. He soon noticed her but it was too late for there would be no preparing for the pain he was about to feel up ass crack.

"Ladies and Gentlemen I give you ATOMIC WEDGIE!" Altria yelled pulling the king's boxers up until they were stretched over his head with a loud snap. The king of heroes yelped his face contorting from the pain struggling to tear the underwear off his head.

Altria giggled and watched him stumbled around cursing aloud from the pain and the humiliation she had subjugated him to. He trotted and fumbled until Altria reached over and plucked him up bringing him over. She then looked behind her at the piles of treasure lying on the bridge and grinned.

"This calls for some medieval intervention ladies and gentlemen," Altria announced and reached into her gown fiddling around for what she sought.

She felt a smooth object touch the tip of her gauntlets and began to pull until out of nowhere came a large wooden catapult. A fiendish smile appeared on her face and with a toss she sent the king flying into the catapult followed by the mounds of rare treasures. Once the groaning king was set inside the war machine Altria gingerly walked over to the lever and smirked.

"Well Gil it's been a real gas seeing you but I think your master is looking for you," She grabbed the lever. "Ciao!"

Gilgamesh jerked his head up his face turning white before he was flung through the air screaming at the top of his lungs towards the church. Once he was out of sight Altria gave a satisfied nod having given the king of jerks a punishment befitting of his station. Turning to the catapult which disappeared with a loud poof, she was about to head out when she noticed the eyes that were staring at her. A drop of sweat flowed down her face upon noticing the crowd of stunned people that were staring at her in shock.

"Oh…crud," she muttered, "Wait aren't those Shirou and Rin's classmates Kaede Makidera, Himuro Kane, and Saegusa Yukika?"

Sure enough standing in the crowd were the faces of the trio of Hombura Gakuen all of them staring wide eyed at the green faced knight. Worried about the implications, Altria thought of what she could do when a lightbulb appeared above her head and she got a brilliant idea. Giving a mischievous smile she spun around appearing in a black wool suit that was similar to her disguise used in the 4th Holy Grail War including the short ponytail.

"Okay, everyone," she called to them, "I need you to focus on me."

She pulled out what appeared to be a small pen and put on a pair of sunglasses as everyone on the bridge stared at the object.

"That's right keep looking straight…"

Then she pressed the button on the top sending out a bright flash of light that encompassed the bridge. The crowd barely had time to blink before they appeared in a bewildered state.

"Listen people you didn't see anything going on here," she replied, "the holes and burnt marks were from a car crash okay?"

The crowd nodded in unison before they continued on their way having completely forgotten the freakish sight on the bridge. Sighing, Altria discarded the MIB memory eraser and changed back into a white gown and looked back over toward Miyama town.

"What is a king to do on a fine night like this?" she murmured mulling over what kind of mischief she could get into.

She didn't have to think long already envisioning the list of people who were about to have a very odd night. The first stop she picture was the manor of a certain bossy red sweater wearing magus. Giving a wide grin she broke into a run leaving a trail of smoke behind her all the while picturing the look her victims would have when they got to see the new her appearance. The night was about to be a whole new shade of green.

* * *

The Fuyuki Church basked in the silence of the beggining of evening that had befallen the city through the dim lighting of the inner sanctum. Kirei Kotomine sat at his desk his mind mulling over the events that had transpired with the Tiger Coliseum Grail War and how he had been brought back to life alongside his old enemy Emiya Kiritsugu, his wife Irisviel Von Einzbern and the servant Avenger. At first, the fake priest had been shocked his revival and even more so when he met his daughter Caren Hortensia. None of it made sense, but then again why should it? A dark smile creased his lips recalling the looks on Gilgamesh and Lancer's faces when they saw he had returned.

"Like two lost children seeing their beloved father returning," he said aloud in a dry manner.

Of course beloved was a stretch and even he knew that but still knowing that his daughter was just as dark as him gave the priest some small semblance of pride. Misery is its own reward and Avenger, Lancer, and Gilgamesh were reaping it. Though, Gilgamesh seemed happy to be under his command again which Kirei couldn't help but find amusing. He stared down at the clutter of paperwork that lay strewn before him.

"Formal reinstatement..." his eye narrowed.

His "death" had seemingly closed his affiliation with the Church and the Burial Agency. And now that the priest had come back from the dead_,_ the church _and the Burial Agency _was more than generous enough to reinstate him. Through mountains of paper work of course which didn't sit well with Kirei.

"A few more after this," he grumbled, "too bad reinstatement couldn't be quicker."

Leaning back in his chair he stared up at the ceiling and sighed when a loud rumble shook the church almost causing him to fall on his back. He gasped and ran out of the room and began heading to the courtyard.

"What was that?!" he cried.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Kirei turned to see Avenger appear out of nowhere, the dark skinned servant giving him a quizzical look.

"It came from the courtyard father," Caren replied appearing behind Avenger with a neutral expression.

"Then let's not wait around shall we?" answered the fake priest leading them outside only to see the inner garden reduced to a smoldering crater. Kirei gasped his eyes widening when he felt something tap his foot with a loud tink. He looked down and saw it was a golden chalice which he wearily picked up. From the splendor of the object he gathered it was one of Gilgamesh's treasures. But why was it out…here?

"Father," Kirei turned to his daughter who pointed all around them and immediately the priests eyes widened. All around him a brilliant sea of gold lined the ground accompanied by thousands of swords, axes, spears, daggers, and more. So much treasure lined the yard that the inner sanctum could barely even hold it. Just what had happened to have them land such a rich bounty? That was when he realized the treasure all belonged to Gilgamesh. But where was said King of Heroes?

"Hey you two over here!" called Avenger who was kneeling in front of a very battered if not smoldering body.

Kirei and Caren walked over and saw the body was none other than Gilgamesh who strangely was bare of any clothes and had his underwear pulled over his head. The king of heroes let out a low groan and twitched a few times all the while his eyes were rolled into the back of his head.

"Gilgamesh?" stated Caren, "How indecent…"

Avenger snorted, "Man looks like he got his ass kicked, but, man seeing him like this is funny."

Kirei stared at his servant cocking an eyebrow before a dark smile appeared on his face. It looked like this evening would provide him with some entertainment.

"Gilgamesh this is a very unbecoming state you're in," he chuckled. "Did you have an accident on the way home?"

Gilgamesh gurgled, "SA…Saber…saber..."

"What?"

Avenger chuckled, "Sounds like he said Saber, man she was the one who did this to him?"

"It seems so, but has Saber gotten more powerful?" Caren cocked an eyebrow and picked up a gold coin.

"A good question," Kirei replied. "We will need Gilgamesh to fill us in."

It was then Avenger gave a cheeky smile and laughed causing the two of them to stare at him in confusion.

"Who cares," he said. "We're rich!"

"What?" Caren and Kirei dead panned.

"Yeah, think about it you two," Avenger grinned, "Old goldie locks won't need all this treasure anymore."

Caren frowned and calmly walked over to him and grabbed his cheeks and pulled on them. Avenger groaned in pain and tried to pry her grip off his face. Kirei snorted and mulled over what he had heard.

"Saber…" the very servant the king of heroes had coveted since the previous wars had defeated him. In past it was true Saber had demonstrated great abilities which befitted her class she barely defeated Gilgamesh before say for their final battle during the 5th Grail War.

"Hey take a look at me!" Kirei glanced over to see Avenger standing on a pile of treasure wearing Gilgamesh's golden armor. "Who do I sound like?"

Caren and Kirei watched as Avenger adopted a stern look and folded his arms across his chest.

"There is only one king under heaven and earth," he said in a mock snide tone. "Saber, love only me bow to me and worship only me!"

Kirei had to repress a smile while his daughter snickered a little and gazed down at the dazed Gilgamesh.

_"What wonderful misfortune…"_, Kirei thought recalling how he had secretly wanted his servant to suffer. _ "And how, heaven smiles upon me!"_

"That does sound like him," Caren smirked, "Father, what shall we do with Gilgamesh?"

Kirei smirked, "Take him back inside, we need him to recover so he can fill us in on what happened to him."

With that Avenger and Caren walked over and picked up the comatose king of heroes and brought him inside. Once they were gone, Kirei took a look at the pile of treasures from the vaults of Babylon and gave a dark smile.

_"Saber… whatever it had done, I would find out how she left Gilgamesh in such a wonderfully miserable state and with luck get to witness more of it."_ Kirei thinks with glee in his eyes.

End of chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

My King Can't be this Green

Chapter 2: Horror sesson in Tohsaka residence

Night had descended on Fuyuki City faster than Altria had anticipated not that it really mattered to the liberated heroic spirit. Day or night all that was important was her having a good time and right now she was in need of a good time. Strolling down the street she rummaged through her mind thinking of where she could head to next when an idea crossed her mind. Ever since Emiya Kiritsugu and Irisviel von Einzbern had returned to life, the girls aside from Illya, Saber and Saber Alter, were forced to leave although, but they did continue to visit Shirou and his parents when they needed it. And there was one of those people in particular that came to mind, a bossy know it all Magus who happened to own a frumpy red coated Archer. With a whimsical grin she zoomed down the street leaving a trail of smoke in her wake.

"Oh where, oh where could my master and servant be?" she sang to herself. "Ah!"

Coming to a grinding halt she spied the red bricked manor of the Tohsaka family looming in the background like the haunted mansions one would see in a ghost story. Altria couldn't help but envision the interior of the manor being cloaked in darkness. There would be a chill in the air as a shadowy figure would lurk in the doorway. As she thought of this, Altria felt a wicked idea fill her mind as she carefully slipped through the gate her body slithering across the ground like an anaconda all the while her green face took on a serpent-like countenance.

Reaching the window she hopped to her feet and turned to face the viewers with a whimsical smile and pointed.

"Victims!" she cried and pressed her face against the window till it became smeared across it.

Inside the living room, Rin was sitting on the couch sipping a cup of tea the young magus dressed in her usual red sweat shirt and black mini skirt. Sitting adjacent to her was the stoic yet cynical grey haired bowman wearing a black button up shirt and matching pants. The two were chatting and apparently discussing something to which the green king could only grin. Because what could be better on a lovely night such as this that the Tohsaka manor become like a haunted house?

Giggling she reached behind her pulling out a large trunk and plopped it onto the ground. She then reached down and pulled it open only to be blasted by a blast of ghostly green air to which she quickly forced the lid back down.

"Mmm ectoplasmic," Altria giggled licking the spiritual substance off her lips.

Redirecting the trunk toward the manor the green knight let out a low laugh which became drowned out by the loud roar of the trunk as the lid went flying off.

Tonight was proving to be a bit peaceful for a change not that Rin minded it, if anything she enjoyed it. Given all the chaos that had happened since the Tiger Grail War it was nice to actually enjoy a nice quiet evening for a change. And the company wasn't bad either, Rin thought with a small smile gazing over to her servant who was lying back and took a sip of tea. Yes, it was all perfect, a bed of roses to be sure but yet something in the back of the young magus's mind told her something was off.

"You seem troubled Rin," Archer remarked drawing the girl away from her thoughts. "Is something wrong?"

"N-no, I'm alright I was just thinking of…" she trailed off trying to come up with a plausible response.

The red bowman cocked an eyebrow, "You okay?"

"Yeah…I was just enjoying the peace and quiet." She sighed before breaking into a tsundere scowl. "W-what's that look for?!"

Archer frowned, "Rin…what's really on your mind?"

"Archer does something feel a little off to you?" she asked.

Archer was about to answer when his steel grey eyes shifted to the window upon seeing a bright ghoulish green glow. He got up to go and look when the manor began to rumble and shake making both master and servant gasp. A loud boom sounded and the drawers and furniture clattered until the entire house seemed like it would fall apart. Rin gasped and went to duck under the table when she fell onto it with a loud smack followed by a loud crash from the chandelier. Darkness filled the house and went Rin opened her eyes she noticed the shaking had stopped.

"Rin are you okay?" Archer ran over and quickly helped her up.

"Yeah, I'm alright but what was that?" she asked. "Were we under attack?"

Archer grimaced, "I don't know but given how bizarre things had been lately it wouldn't surprise me."

Rin felt a bead of sweat flow down her face when she felt her skin tingle and she let out a puff of warm breath. She gasped upon seeing it and noticed the room was getting colder for some reason. Archer noticed as well and quickly switched into his servant outfit and called forth Kanshou and Bakuya. A loud rattle from behind jarred Rin's attention and she slowly craned her head toward the china cabinet. Suddenly something whizzed by the doorway vanishing down the corridor and made the girl gasp. Thump, the sound came from overhead the loud pounding of heavy footsteps slamming against the floor like sledge hammers.

"Archer!" Rin called but he was already ahead of her and before long he was zooming up the stairs and vanished down the corridor.

Rin rubbed her arms feeling her body begin to grow numb when something slick brushed by her foot. She yelped and jumped away looking around for the cause when a loud bang came from the kitchen. Swallowing the lump in her throat she went to investigate and once she stepped foot into the room she froze upon seeing a figure standing with their back turned. Surprised, her attitude quickly turned to outrage believing she found the intruder.

"You!" she barked, "How did you get in here?!"

The figure said nothing and appeared to not hear her but this only served to anger Rin further as she rolled up her sleeve and extended her arm out. The mage crest crackled to life magical energy pulsing down her arm to her open hand.

"I don't know who you are but you will regret intruding in my home," she growled, "now turn around and face me!"

The figure cocked its head and just before she was about attack the intruder the stranger spoke.

"Is that anyway to address your father, Rin?"

Rin gasped and felt her eyes widen when the figure turned around revealing a middle aged man with short light brown hair, deep blue eyes and a short goatee. He was suave possessing the kind of dignified air of a magus from a prestigious lineage. A small smirk creased his smooth round face as if the girls shock was a joke. Tears began to well up in Rin's eyes for the man before her was a person she hadn't seen since his passing in the Fourth Grail War. He was Tokiomi Tohsaka, her father.

"No way…" she whispered covering her mouth to hold back the whimper forming in her throat.

"It's been a long time Rin," he said stepping toward her. "You've grown so much since I last saw you."

"Father…how are you…are you really here?" she stuttered and began to walk over to him reaching out to him.

Tokiomi grinned and put his arms around her pulling her close to which she could only return the hug. Was this some kind of miracle? She wondered hoping what she was experiencing was real. Rin was so lost in her joy when her nose caught a whiff of something it was faint but as she sniffed the air she felt a chill run down her spine. It was a stale, clammy, meaty smell like a piece of beef that had been left out to rot in the sun only to be refrigerated and thawed out again. Slick, she froze her fingers rubbing her father's back feeling something wet and syrupy cling to her fingers. Sweat poured down her face and slowly Rin broke away from her father stepping back a good couple of feet.

At that moment her face turned ghostly white tears flowing down her face as she saw where what once stood her father was a rotting corpse. Moldy green skin clung to a melting face which stilled smiled at her exposing the row of yellowed teeth that had been weathered by decay. Yellowish slime dripped down from the shriveled torso staining the tiled floor in waxy pools which sizzled upon contacting the air.

"W-wha…at's…wrong?" the oozing horror gurgled holding out a bony hand.

Unable to hold it any longer Rin screamed and extended out her finger and peppered the entity with a barrage of Gandr Shot. Like a flimsy sheet of paper the bullets of magical energy tore through the ghost. But to her shock the ghoul grinned at her and began to shamble toward her, and she noticed the ghost began to regenerate. She screamed and ran back into the living room only to be tripped by a disembodied hand which grabbed her by the ankle. Rin smacked into the floor with a loud smack and swatted the hand away and cried.

"ARCHER!" the name of her servant echoed through the house and sure enough the red bowman came down from the ceiling and sliced the ghostly hand in two.

"Rin are you alright?!" he cried.

"No I'm not alright!" The magus screamed, "I just hugged a ghost that looked like my father and I just got tripped by a severed hand!"

Archer grimaced, "Well I just got through dealing with a guy with a machete and a giant spider that had decided to take residence in your bedroom."

Rin froze upon the last the statement causing her face to twitch she had a giant spider in her room? She was jarred back to reality when hundreds of red eyes peered out at them from the darkness leering at them in dark hunger. Great things were going from bad to worse; she thought pressing her back to Archer's when a tall woman emerged from the shadows.

"Oh god…" she whimpered, "M…mom?!"

"What?!" the red bowman whirled around placing himself between his master and the black haired woman stared at them with fiery red eyes. Aoi Tohsaka gave a dark smile revealing a pair of fangs which were as white as her pale skin.

"Come to me my child…" she hissed and slowly walked toward them.

"Oh god… oh god…" Rin gripped her head and fell to her knees unable to bare the sight of seeing her long dead mother coming toward her as a vampire.

"Rin, get a hold of yourself," Archer bellowed glancing back at her, "Don't start to…"

His words were cut short when Aoi was standing in front of him and grabbed him by the lapel of his coat and pulled him forward.

"I'm thirsty," she purred, "you'll do."

Archer tried to slash at her when she flung him down onto the table and yanked his neck to the side exposing it. His face creased the fear becoming evident as the vampire lowered its head down to his throat and was about to sink the gleaming fangs into the soft flesh. Rin gasped and upon seeing her servant in danger she leaped to her feet and pulled out a blue sapphire and began screeching out a Germanic magic spell.

"Get away from my Archer!" she thundered and threw the gem which struck Aoi in the forehead before it burst into a flash of light. The house shook as a light brighter than the sun shined through the windows before it was followed by a loud bang. Silenced followed and when the dust cleared the house was quiet revealing a dazzed Archer and a panting Rin who was trembling in both fear and rage.

"You may have looked like her but you were not my mother," she grunted, "and no one touches my Archer."

She then walked over to Archer and gently helped him up all the while he groaned and rubbed his forehead. While he was recovering Rin began to feel out the house her senses searching for the source of the sudden paranormal activity. There had to be something, someone had to have cast a curse or left some trace behind. And once she would find it she would trace it back to that person and make them pay oh, would they pay.

"You have got to be kidding me," she cursed, "there's not a trace of any magic having been used."

Archer quirked an eyebrow, "Are you sure?"

"Very sure," she growled her fists clenching till they popped. "Whoever did this was discrete they covered up their trail easily."

Before her partner could answer a loud shrill laugh echoed in the air followed by the lights suddenly coming back on. They looked at each other baffled by what they had seen when Rin saw someone sitting on the stairs. Altria sat back her head thrown back as she laughed having pulled a real show stopper of a prank.

"Man that was great!" she cried, "You two should have seen the looks on your faces it was better than any horror flick!"

Rin scowled, "So you're the one who did this!"

"Guilty as charged sweetheart," the green knight replied in a mobster accent.

Archer glared at her when he noticed the white gown and the silver armor fitted over it but what struck him most was the green face which looked familiar. It wasn't until he noticed the blonde hair that his face paled.

"Saber is that you?" he asked.

"Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!" she cried leaping off the stairs only to land in front of them.

"You're as perceptive as ever, nice deduction skills Archer."

Rin blinked and stared at her, "Saber what happened to your face?"

"I had a makeover and I'm feeling FABULOUS!" she boomed which knocked Rin and Archer off their feet.

"What do you mean makeover?!" Rin grunted and got back up, "and you say you did all of this just now?"

"That I did little red know it all pants," Altria giggled, "and it was funny."

Rin and Archer looked at each other in unease before she decided to probe the newly flamboyant King of Knights. She created a complete illusion using a magic well beyond of the five True Magics this world that she grimaced, recalling just how real looking the visages of her parents had been.

"Saber… did you undergo a class change or did you possess abilities you were hiding from Shirou and the others?" Rin ask for Altria.

Altria quirked an eyebrow before she laughed, "Maybe I did you…maybe I've become something more than a servant."

Curious about her statement both Rin and Archer were about to ask her what she meant when Altria reached behind her and pulled out a giant box wrapped in green wrapping paper and plopped it in front of them.

"Can't stay would love to chat but I've got places to be," she smirked, "Ciao!"

And in a cloud of dust she zipped out of the house leaving a stunned Rin and Archer alone in the living room. Shaking it off, Rin looked over to the box and carefully opened it and the moment she did a loud pop followed as the box erupted into a stream of chicken feathers which clung to them like glue. Silence followed before a large vein formed on Rin's forehead and she stomped the ground and yelled.

"SABER!"


	3. Chapter 3

**My King Can't Be This Green**

Chapter 3

Hit me, I Diarmud you

Kiritsugu kept his eyes locked on the television the corner of his mouth twitching slightly as he heard his wife babying the spoiled dark Saber. He sighed feeling slightly annoyed but couldn't help but let Irisviel have her fun with her dark princess. It had been several hours since the lighter half of the King of Knights had left the house and though he normally didn't really care what she was doing a part of him couldn't help but wonder where Saber had gone.

Shaking his head he decided to not dwell on it. Across from him Irisviel stroked Saber Alter's head as she rested on her lap to which she smiled warmly. It was then she looked over to the clock and her smile evaporated into a concerned frown.

"Kiritsugu, Saber-chan has been gone for a while," she said. "Where do you think she is?"

"I don't know," her husband replied his expression portraying no sign of interest in the matter, "maybe she is with one the girls Shirou usually is with." 

Iri scowled, "That isn't nice dear, and Saber is a part of the family you should show more concern for her."

"He's a cold bastard Irisviel," Saber Alter flatly remarked her faded yellow eyes gazing impassively at Kiritsugu. "To him my "sister" is nothing but a tool to him; no doubt he thinks that of me as well."

A vein began to bulge out of Kiritsugu's forehead but he didn't give in and instead turned to them.

"First of all I do care," he replied, "but Iri, you and I both know Saber isn't some helpless child she is more than capable of dealing with any threat."

Irisviel gave a slight nod, "I know but Kiritsugu usually she isn't out this late, do you think she got involved with a fight with one of the other servants?"

Kiritsugu chuckled lightly giving a small smile, "I doubt that, but then again given how we were brought back to life maybe one of the servants from the previous war came back as well."

"I hope not," his wife frowned resting her hand on Saber Alter's head, "that Caster from back then was a monster."

"He was a broken fool," Saber Alter interrupted as she sat up, "The only threat he posed was being overly obsessed with that Joan woman he kept spouting about."

Irisviel sweat dropped, "That is true…"

Kiritsugu sighed, "His master was nothing short of scum, the fact I put a bullet in his head was a blessing."

"I will agree with that," Saber Alter frowned, "but since we are talking about past foes, there is one my other would gladly see come back."

Kiritsugu arched an eyebrow but immediately he knew who it was that came to mind to which he snorted feeling it was fitting.

"You mean Lancer?" he smiled slightly, "Yes, I remember Saber wanted to fight him honorably but didn't get the chance to."

"Well you did force his master to order Lancer to kill himself," Iri scowled, "and you even killed his master despite giving your word."

Kiritsugu gave a shameful frown for he remembered how he did promise to not kill Kayneth and it was true he didn't kill him, not specifically. Looking back on it the magus killer felt a slight pain of guilt and wondered if the person he was then was really him. But that is war for you, he mused at least he tried to atone for his acts. Returning to the matter at hand he gazed up at the clock and now wondered with real feeling where was Saber?

Meanwhile, little did Kiritsugu and Irisviel know that Altria was sitting on the wall of the compound with a mischievous look on her face? So, they were wondering where she was huh? A snort came from her as she gave her former master some credit in his guess. Of all the warriors she had faced none were as skilled or as handsome as Diarmud. It was sad that things were left unsettled thanks to her Former Master's underhanded methods which only served to anger Altria a bit.

"A fight that should have been awesome but was interrupted by you." She growled her eyes literally turning into daggers while she gazed at her former master.

Flexing her wrists she let a jet of steam spew from her ears until it seemed like she was about to explode. She was looking forward to showing Irisviel the new look and giving that spoiled glutton she called her other half a little lesson in humility. But now the green faced knight gave an evil smile. Perhaps it was time Lancer and his Master Kayneth of 4th Holy Grail War did make a comeback. With a wicked smile she hopped down from the wall and reached into her pocket and pulled out small package.

"Instant Melloi," was labeled on the front and upon unwrapping it, she took out human shaped balloon popped open the nozzle. Sucking in a deep breath she blew into it causing her eyes to almost pop out of her head. With a loud pop a copy of Kayneth stood before her sitting idly as its blue eyes stared impassively into space.

Two devilish horns and a tail sprouted out of Altria as she giggled and looked to the audience.

"And now for the final touch ladies and gentlemen," she smiled revealing needle sharp teeth. "Observe!"

Grabbing her face she smooshed it and moved it around until her features became sharper and she did up her hair which changed to a deep black and became curly. When she was finished in place of Altria's face was a spitting image of Lancer Zero's face. Taking out a mirror she flashed a smile at the reflection causing it to swoon.

"And now…oops," Altria closed her mouth and cleared her throat which instantly became deeper, "I mean, and now to put on the finishing touches."

Grabbing her armor she pulled on it which came off like a blanket and underneath was the matching body of Zero Lancer, complete with the greenish grey body suit and twin lances. With that done, she then ran a hand over the altered face changing the bright green to a normal skin color.

"Now shall we pay those dishonorable dogs a lesson, Master?" Altria, now with the voice of Zero Lancer, glanced to the idle Kayneth who nodded in response.

With a dark smile the two then approached the house ready to give the unsuspecting trio a visit they wouldn't soon forget. Inside, Kiritsugu was about to flip through the channels to find something to watch when he froze and he glanced toward the yard. A low chime from the bell attached to the barrier soon followed afterword and immediately he was on his feet and went down the hallway and grabbed his gun.

"Kiritsugu, someone has?" Iri asked as he walked by her only to shoot her an uneasy glance.

"Yeah, but the question is who." he replied, "Anyhow I'm not about to let an intruder waltz about my property."

"They are bold indeed," Saber Alter added her slim form now encompassed by her dark armor. "But surely we should give our uninvited guests a proper welcome."

Agreeing with her Kiritsugu alongside his wife and Saber Alter headed out to the back patio and peered out into the yard. He scanned the empty lot, whit his eyes straining for any indication they were being attacked. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye he spied something coming at them. In that instant, Saber Alter intercepted and swung her blade which made a loud clang as the blackened holy sword made contact with something silvery and wet. She growled and swatted away the object which resembled a ball of liquid metal which ungelated and slithered around like a snake.

"A mystic code?" he muttered when his eyes widened in recognizing the ball of liquid metal. "No, that's…."

"It's been a long time, Magus Killer," A deep oily voice rich with narcissism came from behind the object.

Kiritsugu's eyes widened when a man stepped out of the shadows with short blonde hair and icy blue eyes. He was dressed in a blue silk overcoat and wore white gloves all of which were made from the finest materials. Irisviel's stared in horror at the ghost from their past for the man before them was Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald, one of his old enemies of 4th Holy Grail War and one of more dangerous.

"You!" cried Kiritsugu,

"Oh, has the master of Saber forgotten my name after all these years?" Kayneth flashed a cruel smile, "I would have thought that you would recognize the face of the man you murdered, Emiya Kiritsugu!"

Irisviel blinked, "How is this possible were you resurrected by Taiga-chan's grail as well?"

Kayneth turned to her with a cool smile, "Ah, the lady of Einzbern. So you are here as well and Saber…"

His face darkened upon seeing Saber Alter his eyes betraying the contempt in his eyes, "I see she has changed since last I saw her."

"And you remain as arrogant as ever," Saber Alter growled, "I thought the bullet my master and blade of my sword had put in your skull would have made you learn."

Kayneth scoffed at her and returned his gaze to Kiritsugu who held up his gun and was about to shoot him.

"Why are you here?" Kiritsugu asked him.

"Oh, nothing much just revenge." Kayneth sneered, "You killed me and my fiancé Sola-Ui. Do you honestly think I would forgive that?!"

"What was done back then is done," Kiritsugu replied, "but if you desire to die again then I'll be happy to send you back."

"You think so do you?" Smiled the former head of the El-Melloi's, "Haven't you forgotten something?"

It was at that instant Saber Alter went to slice him in two when someone appeared from behind Kayneth and parried her attack. It was then the corrupted King of Knight's normally emotionless face turned to shock as she stared into the amber eyes of Zero Lancer.

"Lancer!" she cried.

"It's been a while Saber," Lancer said to her, "I been looking forward to facing you once more."

"How is this possible?" Irisviel cried, "Both Kayneth and Lancer?"

Kayneth smiled, "Your eyes don't deceive you Miss Einzbern, we both have returned from the afterlife to visit our vengeance upon you all."

"Irisviel has nothing to do with what happened to the both of you," Saber replied, "but I'm rather surprised at you Lancer, I did not think a knight like you would give into vengeance."

"Betrayal changes you," he growled, "and I see you have changed as well Saber. I see you have thrown away your pride as a knight in favor of being a spoiled princess."

"My views on being a hero have changed," she replied, "but do not think you can insult me and not meet the consequences Lancer."

The air became laced with tension as all five people looked about ready to go at it. Lancer glanced to Kayneth who nodded.

"Hold it," Irisviel cried, "why do we have to fight? Kayneth, surely you and Lancer know that the servants of the 5th Heaven's Feel are now living in peace alongside the masters."

"Peace?" Kayneth curled his lip, "I am not interested in the false drivel those fools allow themselves to be content with. I came here for vengeance and I will have it! But enough talk, Lancer kill it! I want her head!"

"Yes, Master," Lancer nodded,

"At last the moment I have waited for will finally come to pass," he hissed, "the revenge shall be mine!"

Kiritsugu grunted and looked to Saber Alter who immediately took a ready stance and launched herself off the patio alongside Lancer. They collided in midair the clanging of steel vibrating through the air as they landed and began coming at each other. While on the patio Kiritsugu, was about to fire his contender and Irisviel swept back her hair as long glow blue strands of hair turned into an eagle that sat on her arm as her alchemy activated.

"You shouldn't have picked a fight Kayneth," Kiritsugu gruffed, "if you desire vengeance so badly you can savor it in hell."

To the Magus killer's surprise his old foe smirked, "On the contrary I plan on savoring it now, Volumen Hydragyrum, Scalp!"

At his command the ball of liquid metal shot out long ribbons of whip-like metal which sailed toward the pair. Kiritsugu was about to fire his gun when he suddenly felt a burning pain race throughout his body. Grunting he tried again to fire but was unable to fire as the pain intensified.

"Kiritsugu!" Irisiviel cried, and leaped in front of the oncoming attack and created a large shield and watch as the whip-like tentacles of metal struck it scrapping the ethereal surface. Kayneth snorted and motioned again to which another onslaught followed. But this time, Kiritsugu was moving and he grabbed Irisviel and concentrated.

"Time Alter: Double Accel!"

Upon his command the world slowed down and in that instant both Kiritsugu and his wife were off the patio as the liquid metal struck where they had stood. A searing pain raced up his legs as Kiritsugu felt like his leg had been snapped in two. Seeing they had escaped, Kayneth scowled his face becoming covered with bulging veins as he glared at them.

"Such clever little rats." he snarled, "You dodged my attack, but let us see you try and escape now!"

Kiritsugu coughed, "Damn, I forgot how much that hurts,"

"Kiritsugu, are you alright?" Iri asked.

"Yeah, I'm alright," he rasped, "but it looks like I can't hurt him."

"But why?"

"Ah, you haven't told her about that arrangement we made that night did you Kiritsugu?" Kayneth cackled, "The contract you and I made where you swore you would never harm me in exchange I would force my servant to kill himself in Holy Grail War."

"A contract?" Irisviel gasped, "Geis…"

"That's right. Your husband using the promised he would not harm me and should he try to he would suffer," The master of lancer replied. "Which is still binding even after all these years, and I must say it is refreshing to see such agony."

Kiritsugu gritted his teeth and cursed himself for making the pact wishing he had just killed Kayneth out right instead of bargaining with him. He thought for sure it was over when Irisviel stood in front of him keeping her back turned and glared at him.

"Kiritsugu may not be able to fight you," she stated, "but I can!"

Kayneth stared at her for a moment before he gave a cold smile, "Then show what you can do, master of Einzbern."

Upon saying that Irisviel held up her hand as several birds made of blue light looking like wire frames appeared around her. Her ruby red eyes narrowed and before Kayneth could order his mystic code to attack one of Irisviel's mystic codes shot toward him. He gasped and held up his hand as the Hydrargyrum formed a protective wall around him. A loud bang followed as the birds struck the slick surface with a loud bang but couldn't breach it.

Irisviel scowled and in that instant the other birds quickly turned into a group of blades. She then sent them flying toward the wall of liquid steel. A loud rumble followed as the mystic code repelled each blow. While inside Kayneth waited biding him time to counter attack and when the noise stopped he lowered the metallic shield.

Only to stare at Irisviel who was holding Kiritsugu's contender all the while glaring at him. He cried out as the gun went off and the bullet struck him. Kiritsugu having told her of the tactic he had in mind for her. An almost exact copy of how I fought him the first time he thought savoring the shocked look on his old enemy's face. His smile soon faded when he heard a loud pop and Kayneth suddenly blew into pieces like a balloon.

Irisviel and Kiritsugu glanced at each other to which his wife sheepishly asked, "Uh, Kiritsugu is your gun supposed to do that?"

He could only blink did he really just see Kayneth just explode like a balloon full of hot air? While he stood confused Saber Alter and Lancer Zero were going at it the two heroic spirits struck with hammering blows tearing bits of ground and rock as the black knight's sword met the lances of Lancer Zero.

They ducked, weaved and slashed in wide arcs almost striking each other, but despite his skill Saber Alter easily swatted him aside neither flinching nor moving from place as she repelled his attacks.

"Impressive Saber," Lancer smiled, "you're a lot more powerful than the last time we fought. And here I thought the times you sucked up to Irisviel made you soft."

"And I see you've gained a sharp tongue Lancer," Saber Alter replied a black aura appearing over her. "I will have to rip it out."

"So much anger," Lancer frowned, "Truly you have lost all sense of pride Saber for you to let yourself be consumed by rage."

"Like you could understand what it means to be a hero," she replied, "The anger and hatred of others to have it weigh down on your shoulders and become the focus of such hate that is a hero's true destiny."

Lancer curled his lip in anger, "It is not!"

"My, my, now who is flying into a rage," Saber Alter gave a dark smile, "Come then Diarmuid, let me wake you from your dream."

At that, Zero Lancer lunged in and swiped at her the magic spears generating sparks as Saber Alter parried the attack and let loose a burst of blackened prana which slammed toward him. He hissed and swatted the attack away to which Gae Buidhe began to crack. Noticing this, Saber's eyes narrowed and she lunged at him and swung her blade down snapping the weapon in two.

"My spear," Lancer growled.

Saber Alter then lowered her weapon and glared at him, "I think you can stop acting now."

Lancer blinked, "What do you mean?"

"I remember fighting the Lancer in the previous war, and no matter how many times our weapons clashed, never once did my blade break his spear."

"That is…"

Saber Alter frowned, "Then show me what you can really do, Lancer."

Zero Lancer smile, "Alright, how about this then?"

Twirling the remaining lance, the mystic weapon soon began to change until it resembled the Gae Bolg.

Saber Alter frowned, "Gae Bolg…how did you acquire that spear?"

Zero Lancer smiled, "I borrowed it,"

Shaking her head it was time for her to end this farce of a fight so with a tight grip she brought the blackened Holy Sword up which erupted into a massive black flame. Zero Lancer smiled and in that same moment brought the spear up which glowed a bright red. Giving him a puzzled look, Saber Alter wondered what Lancer was doing.

"Excalibur!" roared the fallen King of Knights and with a mighty swing she unleashed the corrupted holy sword which headed toward him. Lancer though, held his ground and thrust the spear which didn't belong to him.

"Gae-Calibur!"

Upon saying the name of the made up Noble Phantasm, the spear let loose a red beam which swerved and zig zagged around the beam of black light and struck Saber Alter in the chest. A loud gasp came from her as she fell back and the beam shot past Lancer and took off part of the roof of someone's house.

Grunting she rose to her feet and glared at Zero Lancer wondering what kind of attack he had used. There was no way he possessed some ludicrous ability that mimicked both Excalibur and the other Lancer's Noble Phantasm. Confused she glared at him when she noticed something off about his face. A small green patch pocked through and it almost looked like the flawless face of the warrior was rubbery.

"Did you like that little attack?" Lancer smiled, "I like to call it the Gae-Calibur, the flying spear sword of…"

Before he could finish, Saber Alter was in front of him and swung upward slicing his face. Silence followed as Lancer's face fell to the ground and when Saber Alter glanced up at her opponent she was greeted by the green face of Altria.

Saber Alter narrowed her eyes and murmured, "S-Saber?"

Altria nervously smiled and walk with his normal voice now, "Whoops looks like my costume is ruined."

Tearing off the rest of Lancer Zero's outfit revealing Altria's white lily armor to which her dark half gave a baffled look.

"Oh well, I was getting tired of pretending to be him." she muttered, "What's wrong other me, surprised by what you see?"

At the same moment both Kiritsugu and Irisviel who had been watching the fight till now stared in complete shock upon seeing Altria reveal herself. The masked knight gave them a wink to which Saber Alter removed her armor returning to her gothic Lolita dress.

"Saber…what happened to your face?" she asked. "How were you able to impersonate Lancer?"

"Ah, good questions too bad I won't answer them," Altria replied, "because frankly I don't like you."

"Saber-chan…" Irisviel said in awe, "What happened to you?"

"I got a makeover, but can't talk right now," she replied, "I've got to show my spoiled other half the consequences of acting like a little brat."

Saber Alter narrowed her eyes, "Spoiled?"

"Oh you can listen, good for you," Altria replied cracking her knuckles, "You know, lately I've been wanting to put you in your place and guess what now is as good a time as any."

"Saber, what are you?" Kiritsugu was about to ask when the green knight's arm stretched over and smacked a stamp over his mouth.

"That's better."

Saber Alter quirked an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest, "So, you desire pay back is it?"

"Bingo and it goes a lot like this!"

Before she could say anything Altria vanished in a flash only to appear behind Saber Alter and grabbed her skirt and pulled it over her head and tied the top. Saber Alter cried out and squirmed but couldn't break free. But it was just the beginning for in the same movement, Altria pulled open her underwear and dumped a bucket filled with fire ants into her panties. It was almost immediate; Saber Alter began yelping and ran around the yard letting out muffled screams.

Kiritsugu who was trying to remove the stamp could only stare at his former servant while Irisviel looked like she was about to faint. Altria laughed as she watched Saber Alter run around the yard wishing to savor the moment which she did by getting on camera. Once that was done, Altria decided it was time to move on and was about to leave when Irisviel approached her.

"Saber-chan, what's going on, and why did you do those things to Alter-chan and Kiritsugu?"

Altria smirked, "Because they had it coming, but don't worries the stamp will come off… in a couple of hours that is. But right now I've got to fly."

"Where are you going?"

"Oh I'm just making a few rounds and I do believe I have an invitation to a certain castle."

With that she zoomed off leaving a trail of dust with a stunned Irisviel staring in complete confusion. But then she came back and planted a big wet kiss on Irisviel's lips which ended with a loud pop resulting in Iri's face turning a bright red as steam came out of her ears and she fell to her knees. Giving a wink, Altria then went on her way zooming down the street ready to give a certain little girl a little visit and it would be one a conqueror would revel in.

Chapter 3 - End


End file.
